Y'all, I went to my first munch

And it was so much fun.  

A munch, for those not in the know, is "casual social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM, kink, or fetishes."  (Thanks, Wikipedia.)  

The best way I can describe it is: It was like going to a business networking social, except I could be myself.  (Here's a smutty story about said networking group.)  There was even some (ugh) golf talk, but it was limited. 

The absolute best moment for me:  conversation had veered towards a topic that was making someone uncomfortable (not a sex topic, that was all good).  She asked if someone could please change the subject, like, right now, please.  I blurted out, "Is anyone a Lord of the Rings fan?"  And enthusiastic yeses rang out from around the table!  I felt like I had found my people -- kinky Tolkien fans!

Of course, being me (Jasmine, Jasmine, quite contrary), I know that no community will ever be perfect for me.  There was more "You're doing it wrong" than I would have liked.  There was trying to respond to someone asking me if I'm monogamous or poly and trying to explain that I'm like, less than monogamous -- my divorce was finalized shortly before the pandemic, monogamy implies that I'm seeing someone, poly implies that I'm seeing more than one person, and I'm mostly working my day job and being a single parent and trying to get through my day -- and being met with confusion.  

There was also a bit of shocked silence when I said that I write about naked sex slaves.  "Oh, consensual non-consent, that's cool."  "No, non-consensual non-consent."  Uncomfortable looks.  Finally there was agreement that since it's fiction it's okay, but I was amazed that little ole me could go to a room full of kinky people and somehow be too kinky for them?  Or the wrong kink?  (Is writing smutty stories a kink?  I hope so, because I'm pretty sure that it's my main kink.) 

A bunch of people told me that they now only socialize with people in the kink community, except for their extended  families when they have to.  It's a bit hard for me to imagine, since the world is full of so many awesome people both kinky and non-kinky.  For me, anyone who knows my real name and also reads and enjoys my smutty stories will always have a special place in my heart -- they will know me more deeply than anyone else, which is wonderful and terrifying.  But that doesn't mean that I  can imagine wanting to stop running with my running partner or stop going to social events with the parents at my kids' schools, or stop, yes, occasionally hanging out for fun with the people I know from my business networking group.  

Anyway, it took me years to work up the courage to go a munch, and a stranger I met online to encourage me to do it, and it was really fun and I never felt even slightly unsafe, and if you're considering going to one, obviously be smart like any time you get together with people you don't know, but take a chance and do it.