I've posted on this blog the first couple chapters of my smutty novel in progress, Damascus, here, and here. I'll be honest: recently working on it has been like walking through thigh-deep sludge.
Like Mindgames, my published novel, Damascus is about naked sex slaves. Beyond that the books have little in common. Mindgames is dystopian fiction with little moral ambiguity. The hero, Gabriel, does not own sex slaves, does not approve of slavery, and has never harmed a slave -- or anyone or anything else -- in his entire life. Mariah, the heroine, is a slavegirl who has never once given into the notion -- the mindgame -- that she or anyone deserves to be a slave. They both have their flaws, but they each stand firmly on the moral high ground.
Damascus is different. It's set in a city in the United States in the 1990's. It pushes the boundaries of reality a bit, sure. It features an instant, accurate HIV test. It's set in a whorehouse (the titular Damascus) that is as big as a posh hotel and better run. But it's basically our world, the world in which I was a young adult. I don't name the exact location but if you lived in my city you would recognize it.
My main characters, Belinda and Vincenzo, are flawed -- deeply flawed in ways that make me uncomfortable writing them. Belinda has agreed to become a sex slave to pay off her father's debt. Vincenzo runs Damascus with an iron fist.
When I first conceived of the story, a long, long time ago, I thought the power dynamic between them made for an amazing love story, and was incredibly hot. But as time has passed I find myself turning away from them. I want to shout at Belinda, "Just say no! I don't care about your back story -- don't do this!" And Vincenzo -- what am I going to do with a man who oversees a business whose purpose is sexual abuse? And how can Belinda fall for him?
So I've gradually fiddled with the story. I've given Belinda more agency, a bit more choice. I've made Damascus less abusive to woman, even a place where their sexual satisfaction is required. Vincenzo gets more of a character arc.
But in the end, just as you can sometimes outgrow friends from long ago, you can outgrow your characters. It may be that the time has come to say goodbye to Vincenzo and Belinda.
